collateraldamaging | Duplicity Inbox

That gets a laugh out of Scott - not mocking or mean, but really soft, even through the rhythm of breath and strikes against the bag. "The most meaningful relationships I've ever had had been with a telepath. The good ones were really good and close to that, though boundaries and individual sense of self-stayed."

Meaning, as he pauses. "Yeah, it makes sense."

[ Oh. Kazu blinks, obviously surprised -- he knew from Akihiro's response to the explanation that there are psychic abilities in their world that match up, but wouldn't have thought Scott of all people would want to let someone in like that. ]

You?

[ Whoops.

Now he looks very embarrassed, both that he went on about it so poetically in the first place and that he just blurted that out. ]

Er-- I didn't mean it that way...

[ That absolute blurt of response is kind of a delight, actually. ]

Yeah. It's kind of complicated, but it's also not. The first couple of telepaths I knew were... not great experiences, but Jean was another teenager wrestling through her shit and the mental connection was a way I could connect.

[ That does make sense when Scott explains it. Kazu nods, still a little embarrassed but also. Uh.

Jean his wife Jean?

Jean who's here Jean?

Is a telepath who can establish that sort of link?

...there's no appropriate way to suddenly be even more interested in meeting Scott's wife, so he's just going to stay quiet and hope that comes off as normal post-blurt awkwardness. ]

[ Scott has no idea what that silence is, assumes he has screwed something up socially and backs away from the bag and Kazu. ]

Similar thing with the girlfriend that came after her, but also different. Both of my kids are telepaths. So was the guy who raised me after 16. And the first guy who raised me, but that's... a different relationship altogether.

[ He's not babbling but he's stilted and... anxious. ]

[ Oh no, now they're both being awkward... what does he do if the silence is what's making Scott uncomfortable? He can't just ask if Jean could link other people, that's potentially very creepy, but now it's literally the only thing he can think of to say! Quick, say something, Kazu-- ]

Right, it's not always a sex thing.

[ Oh god, someone please just kill him. Again. ]

[ What is happening and why is it happening and now he's thinking about Sinister and sex and Charles and-

He stops with the bag. ]

It's rarely about sex. Sometimes it's about sex. Sometimes it's about trust. Sometimes it's utilitarian communication. Sometimes it's familial. Sometimes it's romantic. Sometimes it's the most god awful thing imaginable. A lot depends on the person on the other end.

No, I-- I know all that, obviously.

[ He panicked and blurted out what he was thinking, which was that he shouldn't say anything to make it seem like he'd be asking Jean for a sex thing.

Even though it has definitely been a sex thing.

....stop thinking about it as a sex thing for fuck's sake. He might as well ask what he wanted to in the first place, at this point. ]

I'm sorry, I was trying not to make it weird by asking about her abilities. And if you think she might ever be willing to use them-- see, there's no good way to put this. [ He huffs, then tries again. Use your words, Kazu. ] I guess it would be recreationally? We just... miss it a great deal, to communicate certain things.

[ Scott may have noticed he struggles to discuss his feelings. Just maybe. ]

[Scott stares, largely expressionless for a full ten seconds while he processes all that.

...then shrugs one shoulder. ]

She likes helping people and I'm sure she'd be happy to help. I have no idea if she could do it without being somewhat involved or how long she could maintain that sort of third party link, but she isn't going to be upset by asking and will be thrilled to do her best to give you as much as she can.

I wouldn't mind her being involved, but--

[ He doesn't want to say Val might and imply his partner has anything to hide, so stops to rephrase. It's a small chance anyway. Kazu is fairly certain they'd both give quite a bit to feel anything like that connection again. ]

Whatever she might be able to do, we'd be grateful. But I also very much want to meet her regardless.

Meet her.

[ There's a faint tone of amusement, there. ]

You don't need a formal introduction and you won't be the first people I've sent to her who might be able to use her help.

And she'll understand the problem better than usual right now.

...I'm not sure what you mean by that.

I explained that she's here from years in my past and just after her own death, right?

Yes. That doesn't make "right now" any clearer to me, though.

That was a start of a point with a pause for clarification, confirmation, or questions.

[ Someday, they'll work it out, maybe. ]

I'd mentally retreated pretty far before her death. We're better now than we were, but the mental link still isn't there - largely by my choice at this point.

Oh.

[ Where does he start with unpacking that? Clarification, maybe. ]

Were you still together at that point?

It was really complicated then and it's not less complicated now. The relationship was effectively dead, but it wasn't officially over.

[ Best he can do to clarify, honestly. It was -]

It was right after they thought I was dead , but I was actually sharing my body with 5,000 year old evil.

...the fuck, Scott.

[ He doesn't actually want to discuss how fucking weird that is, though, not right now. So it gets a little head shake before he guides them back on course. ]

The absence of the link makes more sense now, but I-- can I ask you something personal?

[ He has no idea where the question is going to lead, and he's actually fine with that. ]

Sure. Fire away.

What ended the relationship? Did you change as people somehow, or was it a thing one of you did? Obviously people fall out of love all the time, but when that sort of connection is part of your understanding of once another -- I guess I'm concerned about whether it contributed somehow, or just wasn't enough.

[ He seems a little nervous now. It's probably obvious why he's asking, but the way Scott still talks about Jean has him confused about where things went wrong.

...and just in case Scott is reluctant to answer, he's willing to share a small secret that might encourage the conversation. ]

I proposed to Val.

[ He didn't exactly have any expectations, and he still manages to be surprised into a few seconds of silence. ]

That's certainly personal.

[ He doesn't really mind, though. ]

The connection might have contributed, a little, mostly by being too much. Most of the slower breakdown was just outside pressure. Our lives clearly weren't normal and a lot of people were invested in us as some sort of dream couple.

But the ultimate thing that broke us was that we had leaned into that connection for a long time. When I came back from being possessed, she had fought to get me back when everyone else wrote me off as dead, and really needed me to be... there. I wasn't functional. I felt corrupted. I couldn't stand being touched, much less letting someone I loved into my head.

[ Kazu just waits to see if Scott will answer or not. He's used to asking things and being denied an answer on the grounds he's gone too far, but is at least respectful in that he always accepts that.

It's a pleasant surprise when Scott starts talking again, even though what he says is distressing. ]

Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you went through that, but if it's worth anything at all I do find it personally reassuring it seems like outside factors were most to blame.

[ And now that his own fears are soothed a bit, Scott does seem to be in a sharing mood, soooooooooo. ]

...you said you're better now than you were. But you're still choosing not to let her back in?

I don't know if I really consider that an outside circumstance. It was still my choice and who we were as people informing what we needed and how we responded.

[ Dry and wry, but a reminder. He moves and actually leans against a wall, just one shoulder. Not defensive, but it's been a long day and even here he does a lot of physical work. ]

I am. For a lot of reasons. I think we'll get back there but my place when I got here wasn't great, and I miss my girlfriend. But we also need some better communication skills and time together. Straight back to a non-stop mental link would be... a lot.

Ah, I didn't realize it was non-stop. That makes a lot of aspects of the situation clearer, actually. And you're right to be careful. Even with our link active, Val never let me use it as a crutch.

[ Kazu follows Scott over to the wall, looking dramatically more at ease than when he showed up. Especially since it's obvious now that the older man is genuinely just being understanding and open with him... there's likely no reaming to brace for.

Which is kind of unsettling just because he doesn't know how to take that from someone who isn't Val, but it's not a bad thing. ]

...I'm not used to this. But you have always felt responsible for your peers, haven't you?

[This kid is perceptive.

Scott is a little hesitant, considers for a moment giving an accurate but not full answer or just laying it out there. Because Kazu's radically more at ease and trying and it's not like there's anything terribly secret there. ]

When I was 8 there was a plane accident, that I thought killed the rest of my family. As the plane was going down my mom strapped my younger brother and I into a parachute and told me to take care of him.

I woke up a year later in an orphanage run by a crazy man and immediately took on trying to help a real shit of a kid who probably didn't actually exist given the level of manipulation he was capable of, and I definitely didn't like.

When I finally ran, I was picked up by a guy who used me in criminal activities.

By the time Charles picked me up I felt useless to the point of wanting to die. He sent me out to save other mutants in trouble and built a team who's purpose was doing that around me. Whether intentionally or not, it kept me alive.

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CW: suicidal ideation.